Monday 15 February 2016 by DavyWavy and DeValmont

Scientists to seek evidence of Aston Villa playing football


Villa park

After recent successes with the Higgs Boson and gravity waves, scientists have accepted the far more difficult challenge of detecting football at Villa Park.

Sports scientists working round the clock have thus far failed to identify any examples of Aston Villa playing football, but are hopeful that a funding boost might help.

Sensitive detectors installed at Villa Park failed to locate any football, despite years of work and millions being spent on research.

The possibility of football being identified at Villa Park was first proposed in 1897, and has remained one of the great unsolved mysteries of soccer science ever since.

“Football theory clearly says there must be something going on down the Trinity Road, but thus far there’s no evidence as to what it might be,” said Simon Williams of the FA Science Institute.

“The only thing we can say with and certainty is that it’s not football.

“We’re currently speculating that it’s some sort of interpretive dance.”

Aston Villa confirmed that, yes, they might not have got the hang of this footy thing yet, but they’ll still beat Everton 5-0.

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