Friday 12 February 2016 by Dan Sweryt

People who own shares in banks failing to attract any sympathy whatsoever


Bank shares fall

People who own shares in banks are, once again, failing to get any sympathy after they lost a quarter of their value since the start of the year.

Financial analyst Simon Williams stated that this was due, primarily, to “No-one giving a rat’s arse. No-one. Literally no-one.”

“Not even the bankers, who are now receiving even more obscene bonuses, give a flying kahuna burger about bank share prices, mainly due to the UK Government’s compulsion to provide them with the money to ‘save themselves’ from liquidation, if needed.”

Even the shareholders themselves seem relatively unconcerned.

“What does it matter anyway?” said one who was happy to talk.

“If they crash, the Government gives us yet another massive pile of taxpayer cash. It’s literally impossible for us to go bust because they don’t seem to have spotted that this undermines the whole concept of a capitalist system.”

Taxpayer Jim Matthews told us, “When I heard that people who own shares in banks had lost a quarter of their money this year, it was the happiest I’d been since I got a BMX for my eighth birthday.”

“Long may it continue.”

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