Friday 12 February 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Boyzone/Westlife collaboration heralds the ‘End of Days’ say experts


Apocalypse brought on by boyzone/westlife

Biblical experts have claimed that the Boyzone/Westlife collaboration hinted at by Ronan Keating is a sign that we are living in the End Times and the apocalypse is nigh.

“It’s clear in Leveticus 9:12,” said Simon Williams, a vicar and professor of theology at Nottingham University.

“It says ’And from the west shall come a wretched mewling of despair that will herald the coming of the horned one,’ and I’m fairly sure that it only says ‘wretched mewling of despair’ because they weren’t allowed to say ‘shit-awful bastard racket,’ in the Bible.

“Back in the eighties, people assumed this verse referred to Milli Vanilli, but when it turned out they weren’t actually singing we all breathed a sigh of relief.

“But I can’t see that this can possibly mean anything other than Westlife and Boyzone joining together. Unless Travis reform of course.”

The collaboration isn’t the first sign of the apocalypse, according to the Professor Williams’ studies of the Bible.

“No, No, there have been numerous signs that we are in the End Times; the troubles in the Middle East, David Cameron’s re-election, the career of Vernon Kaye, Southern Rail, changing the cream egg recipe.

“There are passages in the Bible that seem to explicitly refer to these events as heralds of the end of the world.

“But Boyzone and Westlife together? Shit just got real.”

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