Wednesday 10 February 2016

Poor people urged to give up benefits for Lent


Theresa May benefits for Lent

The government has this morning asked poor people across the country to consider giving up state handouts for Lent.

The religious fast lasts 40 days, and is designed for Christian adherents to give up something they ‘like’ in order to honour the 40 days and nights Jesus definitely spent fasting in the desert.

Government officials insisted that poor people like nothing more than a good benefit, so would be willing to help out during the Lent period.

Iain Duncan Smith told us, “This is a country of Christian values, and one of those is giving things up for Lent, so what better thing to give up than the money you lot shameless grab with your needy little hands?”

“All dirty and grabby, grabbing at the benefits, pound after pound, with the grubby fingers.

“So we’ll stop them for forty days unless we hear otherwise from you.

“Also, if you don’t give up your benefits for Lent it probably means you hate Jesus and will go to Hell.

Benefit claimant Simon Williams told us, “It’s a new angle, certainly. We’ve been made to feel like scum, like criminals, like the dirt on the sole of societies shoe – but being threatened with Hell?

“It’s a good job I know all religion is bollocks.”

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