Thursday 4 February 2016

Julian Assange to emerge from Ecuadorian embassy in desperate bid for attention


Julian Assange

Julian Assange is to emerge from the Ecuadorian embassy after noticing people have stopped paying attention to him, he has announced.

Assange made the decision after looking out of his window one morning and realising there weren’t any reporters outside.

The lack of interest prompted the Wikileaks founder to alert global news media of his wish for a quiet and dignified exit.

In the statement, Assange said “Me. Me me me me me. Me me, me. Me me me me me me me me me.”

“Me,” he added.

In response to the statement, hundreds of reporters are now thronging the street outside the embassy validating his existence.

A spokesman for the Ecuadorian embassy described Assange as ‘hanging round like a fart in a Volkswagen’ for the last nine hundred-odd days.

“We did ask him why he didn’t just go on Big Brother, but he said the series doesn’t last three years and anyway, people could vote him out of the house,” we were told.

“I wish we could have. He used all the tea and coffee in the fridge and didn’t chip into the kitty.”

Needy publicity-vulture George Galloway has welcomed the decision and says he will be there when Assange emerges to bathe in the glow of the lovely, lovely cameras.

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