Wednesday 3 February 2016

‘Not having to go to work any more’ the secret to happiness


Happy old people

People who don’t have to get up in the morning and go to a job they hate have been found to be the happiest of all, according to a survey by the Office of National Statistics.

The survey of more than 300,000 adults found that happiness levels increase exponentially the very second you can finally pack in your soul-destroying job at the age of 65.

“65 to 79 year olds are the happiest people in the country,” claimed ONS researcher Deborah Smith.

“We’re not sure what it is about that age range that makes them happy, but it might be that sitting at home offering vaguely racist opinions about what you heard on the news is good for your emotional well-being?”

“Of course, it could be that not having to get up at 7am every day to smile at a boss you hate, do work you despise and get shouted at by customers you loathe, actually all helps with your mood?”

“Seems a bit tenuous to me.”

45-year-old Simon Williams told us, “My old man is 72 and a right misery arse, so I’m not sure I believe this research.”

“Whenever I talk to him and explain how shit my life is, all he can do is tell me to stop feeling being so bloody sorry for myself, and to take a minute to smell the flowers every now and again.”

“The miserable sod.”

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