Tuesday 2 February 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Woman submits husband for ‘Channing Tatum’ gene editing


Channing Tatum, gene therapy

A woman has marched her husband into her local genetic research institute and demanded “one Channing Tatum, please”.

Martha Rogers made the demand after hearing the UK had approved gene editing in human embryos.

“So fixing this dud should be a piece of piss, right?” said Rogers, patting her fat husband’s balding head.

“I assume it’s like using a coffee machine. You just stick baldilocks here under the nozzle, press the button that says ‘Magic Mike’ and Bob’s your uncle or, should I say, Channing’s your fuck monkey.

“So I’ll be back to pick him up in an hour or so. Have him lightly greased for my return.”

Dr. Simon Williams said “I think she’s misinformed, at best.”

“I agree that the line between science lab and magic lamp is only getting narrower, but we can’t just take this fat blob she has brought along and turn him into a chiselled sex-god.”

Rogers’ husband said “I can hear you, you know, and I’m not so fat that I can’t knock you out.”

“Now, either Tatum me up, or let me escape and tell her I was accidentally disintegrated in the process.

“Either option suits me just fine.”

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