Tuesday 2 February 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Lunatic driving with the top down


Man in convertible

Some tosspot is driving around without a roof, according to sources today.

Simon Williams, 49, has folded down the roof of his 1998 BMW Z3 despite temperatures hovering around the freezing mark.

“I don’t really feel the cold,” said Williams, through his chattering teeth.

“For me it’s the sense of freedom, being bonded to the road, and feeling the wind whistle through the parts of my head where hair used to sit.

“There’s nothing quite like it.”

Simon’s wife said “actually there’s one thing very much like it; it’s called hypothermia.

“I keep screaming ‘IT’S FEBRUARY’ into his stupid fat face but he just looks at me like I’ve given my thoughts on the transfer window.

“I know he’s trying to justify the fact he’s bought a ridiculous car that only validates itself for a very specific fortnight of the year, but I refuse to freeze to death alongside him. Marriage vows have their limits, you know.

“Yes they do.”

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