Tuesday 2 February 2016 by Waylandsmithy

Groundhog Day raises hopes of repeatedly waking up to Donald Trump losing


Donald Trump on Groundhog Day

Millions of people have woken up on Groundhog Day, hoping they are now trapped in an endless cycle of Donald Trump being humiliated.

Simon Williams stirred from his slumber to the sound of ‘I Got You Babe’, and the breaking news that voters in Iowa aren’t all completely mental.

“It was like a dream come true,” said Williams.

“Well, apart from the Sonny and Cher song.

“I just hope the decisions I make today don’t break this strange plot device, and accidentally make Trump president.”

Reports of people stealing trucks and driving them into quarries have risen a hundred-fold, as voters desperately try to wake up again to the same warm, tingly news.

Williams is planning to steal some money and then walk in front of a lorry, or perhaps kidnap a strange-looking rodent.

“One thing’s for sure though, I won’t be asking Rita out, or trying to save a homeless man’s life,” he admitted.

“I’d love to, but sometimes the price is just too high.”

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