Saturday 30 January 2016 by DavyWavy

Lloyds Bank sale delayed until eve of next General Election, government confirms


Lloyds Bank share sale

The sale of Lloyds bank is to be delayed until the eve of the 2020 election when it will be knocked out on the cheap to the general public, the government has confirmed.

The treasury has said that concerns about the global economy, the slowdown of China and the instability of the Eurozone mean that now is not the time to proceed with the flotation, but about twenty minutes before people cast their votes for the next government will be bang tidy thanks very much.

When called upon to challenge the announcement, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn went off into an unrelated, rambling diatribe about talking to Argentina about the Falklands.

Asked how much the Lloyds shares, currently trading at 64p, would be priced at when the sale takes place, a government spokesman told us “About 5p, or a curly wurly or something. Whatever.”

“Vote Conservative.

“Yes we are expecting to increase our majority next time round, why do you ask?”

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