Thursday 28 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Women in full face veils ‘must communicate via interpretative dance’ says OFSTED


Full face veil

Muslim women must learn effective non-verbal communication methods if they are to cover their faces, according to OFSTED.

With the age-old method of talking out loud apparently rendered ineffective by the presence of a thin piece of cloth, female Muslim teachers must either get to grips with interpretative dance or face the sack.

“We think it’s a fair compromise,” shrugged OFSTED chief, Simon Williams.

“I assume these schools don’t want to receive low marks for flawed communication, and the last thing we want is for children to learn to communicate with people of differing faiths by simply listening to what they’re saying”

“So these women will have to learn a more visual method of communication, I’m afraid.”

Teacher and also Muslim, Maria Khan, said “It’s been tricky, let’s put it like that.

“Telling someone to stop hitting the person next to them with a ruler via interpretative dance isn’t really that effective.

“I prefer the traditional teaching methods of shouting the children into submission.

“But alas, this thin piece of material in front of my face simply absorbs all sound emitting from my mouth. So it’s my own fault I suppose.”

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