Friday 22 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Four dead following boyfriend’s dinner party


Dinner party

Four people have died after your boyfriend offered to do the cooking for a bloody change.

Simon Williams served up a dish that he called “Beef A La Simon”, showing he knows about as much about French as he does about cooking.

“Not sure what happened there” shrugged Simon after the fourth and final dinner guest’s head thumped into the table.

“Maybe it was the mushrooms…lots of people are apparently allergic to mushrooms and don’t even know it.”

Forensics expert, Samantha Curran, said “no it wasn’t the mushrooms. Mushrooms don’t burn through the stomach from the inside out, leaving nothing but a hole in the abdomen.”

“We’re not entirely sure what the cause was but we do have our theories; beef isn’t supposed to fizz, for one thing.”

“We need to get a move on with this; the Ministry of Defence are pretty keen to work out what the hell was in that dish.”

Simon said “it’s been a bit of a headache, to be honest, but at least we got a funny story out of it.”

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