Wednesday 20 January 2016

We don’t get paid enough to talk to Tory voters, admit polling staff


Pollsters don't want to talk to Tories

Polling company employees have admitted that the wages on offer aren’t enough to engage in conversation with Conservative voters.

After polls failed to accurately predict the outcome of the 2015 general election, staff admitted it was mainly because no-one wanted to talk to any Tories.

As one polling executive explained, “We know they’re out there, and we’re pretty sure we know where they live, but when we looked for volunteers to go to those areas, everyone’s hands stayed down at their sides.”

“So we just guessed. Badly, as it turns out.”

Part-time pollster Simon Williams told us, “No-one wants to go to the Tory homes. They invariably have signs saying don’t knock, and when they do answer they’re immediately aggressive, demanding to know why you’re wasting their valuable time.

“And God help if you if you have an accent which implies you’re not local.”

“On the other hand, the Greens will have you in for tea and feed you. One of my mates liked visiting one Green voter so much he stayed there for two weeks.”

“No, they didn’t win that seat either.”

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