Wednesday 20 January 2016 by DavyWavy and Orange Peel

Tapeworm begs to be removed from Kanye West


Kanye West's tapeworm

A tapeworm living in Kayne West has begged to be rehoused this morning after West announced an album of David Bowie covers.

The useless parasite, whose entire existence centres on a mindless need to consume the effort of others before passing it on through his droppings, has finally become an unacceptable residence for tapeworm Simon Williams, 27.

Claiming West is ‘the landlord from Hell’, the tapeworm has applied to be rehoused somewhere nice and roomy, like Eric Pickles.

“I don’t mind having the occasional chat with the landlord, but Kanye spends so much time with his head up his arse it’s like he’s moved in full time,” the tapeworm told us.

“The other day I was having a nice warm bath in a fresh bolus of semi-digested food when up he pops through his lower intestine to tell me about his new project.

“Or ‘exciting and meaningful tribute’ as he insisted on calling it.

“I know I spend my entire existence living in crap, but I do have standards you know.”

West is reported to be disconsolate at the news, and has pledged a follow-up project about his own bumhole in a bid not to lose the tapeworm’s support.

At a press conference West told reporters that his sole concern was the wellbeing of the tapeworm as regards his art and he didn’t want the story to be about him, although the message was undermined by him wearing a t-shirt reading ‘Make the story about me’.

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