Tuesday 19 January 2016

New poll finds 100% of public retain complete confidence in polling companies


Pollsters

Polling companies have revealed the results of a new poll showing that the public backs them 100%.

According to results, polling firms have the overwhelming support of the general public despite an inquiry finding that the companies made numerous mistakes in the run up to last year’s General Election.

“Whilst we welcome the findings of the inquiry,” said Simon Williams, a spokesperson for the polling industry.

“It is clear that we have the overwhelming support of the general public, with this poll showing well over 100% of people think we are doing a brilliant job.”

When it was pointed out that it was mathematically impossible to have over 100% of a sample, Mr Williams responded confidently.

“I know, which I think shows the strength of feeling inherent in the results.”

The inquiry into the polling companies’ failure to give an indication of the results of last year’s election has found that there were flaws in the sampling process, with pollster’s not speaking to enough Tory supporters.

“Well no,” said Mr Williams

“I suppose we didn’t, but give us a break; I mean, they’re Tory voters, who wants to speak with them?”

He then went on to reveal that the new poll not only revealed support for pollsters’ competence, but also that a huge majority of those sampled thought pollsters to be really handsome, amazingly clever, and both considerate and energetic love makers.

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