Monday 18 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

‘Bill’ found dead


Bill found murdered

The eponymous ‘Bill’ has been found punched to death in an alleyway.

The star of the “be like Bill” internet memes was set upon by a gang of Facebook users who became sick of being told how to live their lives by the stuck-up little stickman.

“He had it coming,” grumbled assailant, Simon Williams, from his police cell.

“I’m sick of being told which football teams to support, how to behave on the Internet, or that I shouldn’t be a dick in general.

“It’s my life to lead, and now I’m finally free to live it; albeit from the confines of a prison.”

Police Officer, Tom Watkins, said “this is a horrific crime, but like a lot of violent assaults, it’s one with which I can entirely empathise.

“Bill was an irritating little bastard and while I can’t officially condone the violence meted out against him, I will be privately enjoying a glass of scotch and cackling like a lunatic later on.”

Bill’s family refused to comment, mainly because they officially estranged themselves from Bill decades ago.

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