Friday 15 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Everyone wondering if Donald Trump is next on Death’s list of 69 year-old celebs


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Earth’s non-morons are wondering if the current trend for 69 year-old celebrities dying could mean the imminent death of Donald Trump.

Following a spate of deaths amongst some very cool 69 year-old famous people, everyone is hoping that the grim reaper will restore the balance by taking the life of a fairly dangerous 69 year-old tosspot.

“Fair’s fair, really” said non-moron, Simon Williams.

“The Reaper took David Bowie and Alan Rickman. If he’s going to take away some of our best people, he could at least take out some of our trash as well.”

“I wouldn’t wish death on a person, obviously, but I’m less bothered about wishing death on a racist piece of shreddred wheat, so, yeah, fill your boots.”

The Grim Reaper said “no, thank you.”

“There is a REASON I’m taking all the cool people; I really want to spend time with them.”

“Tonight I’m going to have Alan Rickman recite Shakespeare while David Bowie plays guitar in the background.”

“Unless Shakespeare did a really racist play at some point, then I don’t see what Donald Trump could add to that- and don’t you dare mention ‘Othello’, I’ll scythe you down where you stand.”

“Only the good die young, so you’re stuck with Trump forever. Suck it up.”

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