Friday 15 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Empathy for refugees ‘so last year’


Sympathy refugees

The trend for showing any kind of sadness for refugees is over.

The death knell was sounded after Denmark announced it would be treating asylum seekers in roughly the same way that bailiffs treat Wonga customers.

“Party had to end sometime,” shrugged refugee, Tom Watkins.

“It’s my own fault really after what happened in Paris and then later in Cologne.

“I mean I wasn’t there, and I had nothing to do with either incident, but everyone else has made it very clear that both of those things were partly my fault and I should apologise.

“Anyway, Denmark looks nice, please help yourself to my shoes.”

Tabloid editors nationwide were breathing sighs of relief as they could finally return to their traditional, hate-filled narrative.

“Thank Christ!” smiled editor and bastard, Simon Williams, “it’s surprisingly hard to write stories without being snarky about brown people.

“I know that probably says something about us as humans, but I’d rather not think about it.”

The refreshed feeling of hatred towards refugees is likely to last until the next time a dead kid washes up on a beach, or when Donald Trump initiates holocaust 2.0, whichever comes soonest.

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