Wednesday 13 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Cameron urges ministers to ‘rein in their inner twat’ during EU debate


Cameron EU debate

David Cameron has urged his Ministers to be polite and courteous during the EU referendum before going back to being the pack of belligerent twats they so obviously are.

The Prime Minister made the announcement in a cabinet meeting which he opened with the phrase “good morning, wankers”.

“Dave is usually fairly fast and loose with the old manners,” confirmed a cabinet spokesperson.

“Only the other week, someone asked why we were going to Syria, and he literally flopped his cock onto the table and said ‘THAT’S why, cupcake’. It was inspiring stuff.

“But for the next couple of weeks, he is urging a sense of decorum, which means this Friday’s bukkake party is probably off, which is a shame.

“To be fair, Dave is the only really rude one anyway. Everyone else is quite tame, to be honest, apart from the Chancellor, who’s tends to say ‘vagina’ quite a lot after a line or two of the gak.”

Jeremy Corbyn made a similar plea to his cabinet; making a polite request for calm to a roomful of empty chairs.

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