Tuesday 12 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

Man declares everyone stupid for mourning David Bowie awaits medal


Smug man on computer

A man on Facebook is being incredibly smug about the fact he doesn’t care about something.

Simon Williams, 38, took to his Facebook page to declare everyone “sheep” for being sad that a great musician died.

“It’s stupid, your feelings are stupid,” beamed Williams, before leaning back in his chair and folding his arms like he’d just discovered time travel, the twat.

“It’s really very silly that you’re mourning the loss of a musician who wrote great songs that obviously spoke to your heart, or that gave voice to a feeling you couldn’t previously put into words, or might have been the backing track to some significant moments in your life.

“None of those concepts are relevant to me here, and I wasn’t a fan of Bowie, so it’s entirely right that I belittle you for your silly little emotions.

“Mocking feelings that I don’t have or understand is obviously a brilliant thing to do, so I think its right that I get some kind of award here and perhaps a gift voucher. So, chop-chop.”

Simon Williams’ friends were unavailable for comment, mainly because he has alienated every single one of them over the course of his lifetime.

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