Friday 8 January 2016 by Waylandsmithy

Men to tell doctors they now drink just 14 units a week


Man drinking towards his 14 units beer

The government has revised guidelines on how much alcohol men should pretend they drink, when speaking to their doctor.

Previously, men would insist they only consumed 21 units a week, if they excluded certain health drinks such as red wine, or vodka and orange.

But now, male patients are advised to cut back to 14 units, and tell identical lies to women.

“When I told my GP that I only drank the equivalent of one pint a day, I thought I’d feel better for it,” complained Simon Williams.

“But if I’m honest, I don’t think I’m any healthier than when I used to pretend to only drink 21 units.

“It makes me wonder how much we can trust this so-called ‘research’.”

Chief Medical Officer Sally Davies has suggested there’s no ‘safe limit’ to lying about alcohol consumption, but didn’t go so far as to suggest men should fib about being tee-total.

“Most doctors are pretty bright, I’m not sure they’ll really believe that”, said Davies.

“Particularly if you’re covered in sick, and your arse is stuck in a dustbin.”

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