Friday 8 January 2016 by Lucas Wilde

George Osborne drunk off his arse after multiple cocktails of economic risk


George Osborne Cocktail of economic risk

The Chancellor of the Exchequer was pissed as a newt last night after sampling a few rounds of the city’s newest cocktail.

‘Economic Risk’ is made with two-thirds vodka, four parts gin, one part Japanese sake and is traditionally served with a misguided sense of self-importance.

“George had two or three of them” confirmed bartender, Simon Williams, “and before long he was dancing on the table, singing the rich man’s version of ‘that don’t impress me much’.

“If you’ve never heard it, it’s basically the same song, except the woman in the song is impressed by all of the material possessions.

“Then he went round the bar asking everybody how much they were worth and laughing in their faces before they could answer.

“We wanted to ask him to leave but the last bartender that tried that ended up in the Thames with a wine list shoved up him.”

‘Economic Risk’ is expected to take the nation’s bars and clubs by storm, in much the same way ‘Credit Crunch’ was a centre piece of the nation’s breakfast tables in 2010.

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