Tuesday 5 January 2016 by Waylandsmithy

Ant and Dec to share a knighthood


Ant and Dec

Popular buffoons Ant and Dec have been given a shared knighthood, in recognition of their tireless work in always being on the fucking television.

The award was granted after they successfully smiled at Prince Charles for an hour, in a programme they described as a ‘documentary’.

Ant and Dec – real names PJ and Duncan – appeared before the Queen in alphabetical order.

The one on the left quipped ‘why-eye, your majesty’, while a badge was pinned on the pair’s most easterly shoulder.

Sir Ant and Dec spoke of his pride at being recognised, but admitted it was hardly surprising, given their omnipresence.

But, journalists asked, what should they be called if they were greeted on an individual basis?

The pair looked even more puzzled than usual and refused to answer the question, before bursting into tears and being taken back to their ITV storage unit.

A spokesman for the broadcaster said it wouldn’t comment on ‘daft, hypothetical questions’, before stating “Sir Ant and Dec would like to be alone during this difficult time.”

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