Monday 4 January 2016 by Gary Stanton

Nigel Farage’s car in daring bid to assassinate Nigel Farage


Nigel Farage

Nigel Farage has escaped with his life after his own pro-European car tried to kill him.

The UKIP leader was driving in France, when his Volvo V70 decided enough is enough and loosened several of its own nuts.

In an echo of Farage’s UKIP leadership, vehicle and driver were involved in an ugly crash before the wheels came off.

A visibly shaken Farage later described how he was forced to flee the wreckage and dart over a barrier to avoid oncoming foreigners.

The long-suffering patriot has, in recent years, done everything in his power to help the beleaguered British car industry by buying a motor made in Sweden.

But relations between Farage and his Volvo have recently become strained due to the driver’s habit of playing Screwdriver’s Greatest Hits on shuffle.

In 2010, another attempt was made on the leader’s life when his twin-engine Cessna dive-bombed into a field after arguing with the Farage about EU fishing quotas.

Speaking via its Satnav system, the car told us, “No matter how bad the traffic, Nigel always takes up a position on the far right.”

French accident investigator Jacques Verne said, “Our initial examination of ze vehicle show that Mr Farage definitely had a screw loose.”

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