Monday 4 January 2016 by Neil Tollfree

Moron claims ‘it’s quite nice to be back in the office’


Moron happy to be back at work

An idiot has stunned colleagues by claiming that he’s pleased to be back at work after the Christmas break.

Simon Williams, line manager and moron at Hadley and Kemp Insurance Ltd made the claims as he entered the office at approximately 8.30 this morning.

“It was really weird,” said colleague Liz Green.

“I mean, I was just sitting there eating a load of leftover Mighty Heroes eclairs and contemplating the futility of my own pitiful existence, when Mr Williams walked in all cheerful and that.

“He went ‘Morning Elizabeth, how are we?’ So I said the usual, you know, that every living breathing moment spent here makes me want to cry, and he just went ‘actually, it’s quite nice to be back in the office’.

“I thought he might be still drunk.”

Experts have speculated on why someone might say such a thing.

“He may have a brain disease,” said Stephen Emmsworth, Professor of Idiocy at Sunderland University.

“He may have been speaking under duress, he might, as his colleague suggests, be drunk, or he may simply be a complete and utter idiot.”

There have been further unconfirmed that Mr Williams went on to say that he was ‘looking forward to getting stuck right back into it and working hard’, but these have yet to be corroborated as he was badly beaten with a stapler shortly afterwards.

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