Monday 28 December 2015 by DavyWavy

Norwich City declares bankruptcy after appointing Ed Balls chairman


Ed Balls Norwich chairman

Norwich City football club has suffered a catastrophic financial meltdown within 24 hours of putting Ed Balls in charge.

The former chancellor, appointed to the role yesterday, has insisted that it’s a complete coincidence that ‘the money stuff’ goes tits up every time he’s let anywhere near a position of responsibility.

Norwich, whose finances were believed to be stable and reliable, developed an irreparable ‘black hole’ approximately forty-seven minutes after Balls was awarded access to the online banking.

“I just don’t understand it,” said majority shareholder Delia Smith.

“Balls seemed so convincing, like he really knew what he was talking about.

“He told the shareholders he would introduce an exciting new system to oversee club finances, involving several different independent bodies and auditors with blurred and uncertain areas of responsibility and no clear chain of command.

“If only someone had told us there had been a system like that tried before we might have realised it was a terrible, terrible idea.”

Balls has also proposed replacing the first team goalkeeper and defensive players with an oversight committee, who would liaise with opposing teams and politely ask them not to score room any goals.

Club accountants reported a ‘terrible gurgling noise’ from the bank accounts shortly after Balls introduced his new system and confirmed the money was all gone with nothing to show for it shortly after.

Ed Balls remains confident he can fix the problem and has told the club that he’s bound to get it right next time if they give him another go.

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