Wednesday 23 December 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Man resolves train delay by shouting


man shouts at train

A Brighton commuter has solved the problem of a train being delayed by repeatedly shouting at a disinterested member of Southern Rail staff.

The incident took place at 17.30 on yesterday evening at London Bridge when it was announced that the 17.42 Littlehampton service would be delayed indefinitely.

“I just thought that someone needed to take action,” said middle manager and man of action, Simon Williams.

“So I marched up to Southern Rail man and, after a brief moment of trying to reason with him, decided that the only way to get things moving was to shout loudly.”

Mr Williams then unleashed a torrent of violent and sexually explicit language at increasing volume into the face of Southern Rail station worker Chris Knight, and just three short hours later, the train left.

However, Mr Knight cast doubt on whether Mr Williams intervention had any meaningful impact.

“Yeah, it’s fairly standard; the being shouted at directly in the face,” said Mr Knight regarding the incident.

“It’s obviously completely pointless. I mean, I’m just a bloke who stands at the end of a platform, how is shouting at me going to fix some signalling equipment twenty miles away?

“But it’s part of my duties for me to be an outlet for the aggression of sexually inadequate middle managers unable to cope with a complex problems of an increasingly underfunded, overcrowded and technically obsolete railway infrastructure.”

Mr Williams has confirmed that he stands ready to shout in the event of any future delays this week.

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