Friday 18 December 2015

Martin Shkreli’s attorney confirms hike in hourly rate from $200 to $15,000


Martin Shkreli arrested

Pharmaceutical boss Martin Shkreli will apparently struggle to contest the fraud charges that saw him arrested yesterday, after his attorney raised his hourly fees by 5500%.

Shkreli, a known friend to the sick and feeble, is accused of numerous financial irregularities that some experts have described as ‘running an empire built like a Ponzi scheme’.

However Shkreli may now struggle to stay out of prison after his attorney, Simon Williams, raised his hourly rate to $15,000, up from the more reasonable $200.

Williams told us, “This is not an exploitative move designed to extract maximum revenue from someone who is particularly vulnerable at this time.”

“These fee rises are essential so that I can spend lots of money on the nice things that will attract new lawyers to the industry, bringing new ideas and techniques and helping everyone who needs a securities fraud lawyer in the long-run.”

“The simple fact is that my services for people charged with securities fraud have been woefully underpriced – correcting that error for Mr Shkreli should be seen as a positive move for society as a whole.”

Shkreli explained that he would not be paying the higher rate, telling us, “5500%? He’s taking the fucking piss. You can’t just arbitrarily raise your prices like that!”

He changed his mind however when he noticed that every other securities fraud lawyer he spoke to had followed suit, essentially leaving him with no choice but to pay it or spend his life in prison.

Aids victims were unable to comment due to the incessant laughing.

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