Thursday 17 December 2015

Manchester United to advise UKIP on European exits that delight a nation


Nigel Farage seeking European advice from Manchester United

Manchester United will advise UKIP on the best way to leave Europe whilst simultaneously delighting the vast majority of people who watch you doing it.

After struggling to gain much traction in their ‘Out’ campaign, UKIP leader Nigel Farage and has called in United officials to make his plans for a European exit seem much more palatable.

A UKIP insider explained, “Manchester United went out of Europe last week, yet the whole country was smiling whilst they did it.  Simply put, Nigel wants some of that.”

“He wants to back out, and have the whole country behind him laughing whilst he does so. And who better to help you with that than Manchester United?”

European exit

Experts have said that UKIP’s move is a good one, and that if there was one organisation as universally unpopular as UKIP itself, it was Manchester United.

A Manchester United spokesperson said, “Luis Van Gaal’s first words were, ‘you need to make everyone think you believe you’re absolutely entitled to be in Europe’ – that will amplify any sense of  schadenfreude when you leave’.

“That’s really good advice, I’m sure you’ll agree.

“If Manchester United had wanted to be out of Europe, then I’m sure you can imagine how disappointed people would have been that they were actually out of Europe.

“As it is, most people are still laughing a full week later.”

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