Wednesday 16 December 2015

Choice of family to visit on Boxing Day determined by who has best wifi


Christmas boxing day visit determined by wifi

The choice of relatives to visit on Boxing Day will be determined by whoever has the best wifi, according to sources close to your family today.

With discussions already begun in earnest about who will be graced by your company on Boxing Day, the shortlist of potential hosts has been compared to their choice of home broadband.

Father of two Simon Williams told us, “I haven’t seen Grandma Jean since Easter, but she barely gets 2mb through her 10-year-old BT router. That’ll never keep the kids occupied.

“Whereas Uncle Mike votes UKIP, reads the Daily Mail and thinks Donald Trump is the saviour of mankind – but he does have 60MB through virgin cable.

“So it’s a tough choice. Boxing day with a nice old lady with shitty Internet, or a spend it with a horrible racist with lightning speed.”

Williams went on to calculate the ratio of potential awkward conversation against potential download speed, claiming that racist Uncle Mike was the clear winner.

He concluded, “It’s nothing personal, I just did the maths. Anyway, as soon as he starts talking about Donald Trump’s great idea to close down the Internet, I’ll just nod and browse YouTube on my phone.”

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