Tuesday 15 December 2015 by Alex Webster

Narnia to be used for landfill


The government announced today that they intend to use the politically unstable land of Narnia for landfill.

With waste management and land prices reaching crisis point across Europe, businesses have welcomed the news.

Environmental Services Manager Reg Scott said, “There’s this vast, empty wilderness we can dump our plastics and old furniture into.

“It’s huge. None knows how huge exactly ‘cos the books aren’t specific. The only problem is having to handball the whole lot through a bleedin’ wardrobe.”

The Green Party have criticised the move saying, “Narnia has been through several destructive regime changes in the last few years and isn’t ready to be exploited by big business.

“However this would be a good opportunity for the UK because The Wardrobe is located here. We suggest that the waste sent should be strictly limited to perishables.

“Due to the time distortion they would bio-degrade much faster than if they were kept on Earth.

Legal experts also claim that the new territory would technically be part of the EU, which has enraged UKIP’s Nigel Farage.

He said, “Fauns coming here will have to integrate into British society, and won’t be able to claim benefits for at least three years.”

The Narnia Prime Minister Aslan, also known as Jesus, was unavailable for comment.

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