Monday 14 December 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Woman wins chance to matter for a month or two


Louisa Johnson X Factor

A lady sang slightly better than other people last night and you should therefore pay attention to her until around mid-January.

Louisa Johnson won a public vote after the five people who still watch the X-Factor decided she was
the most tolerable singer.

“She’ll do,” confirmed Eleanor Martins, number three of the five.

“She does that ‘oooooh-errrr-ahhhh’ thing in the middle of songs that people inexplicably adore, so
she was always in with a good shot.

“I’m looking forward to buying her first single, and then forgetting her name entirely, several months
before the release of her first album

“It’s a great time for music, and it’s going to be a wonderful latter half of December/first bit of
January for Louisa before she fades back into doing whatever she was sad about doing before in
those video packages.”

“Probably a dinner lady? I don’t know, I made the tea during those bits.”

Louisa joins the illustrious ranks of previous winners of the X-Factor, including that group of girls, that
bloke, that woman, that other bloke and Leona Lewis.

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