Monday 14 December 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Christmas perfume adverts ‘stupidest ever’


Jonny Depp perfume advert

This year’s batch of festive perfume adverts have been hailed as the stupidest of all time by experts.

“Breathtakingly stupid,” said Elizabeth Heaton – Professor of Stupidity at Oxford University.

“The one where Johnny Depp wears that ridiculous waistcoat and then drives to the desert to dig a big hole is possibly the stupidest minute of television I’ve seen since Ed Miliband unveiled his big stone in the election.”

To the untrained eye, Christmas perfume adverts seem to be getting stupider each year, but according to Professor Heaton, this is incorrect.

“Yes, it’s an easy mistake to make,” she said

“You see Nicole Kidman do a handstand on the Eiffel Tower to the strains of some ghastly Chinese folk/rap metal fusion, and quite rightly you think that’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen.”

However, according to Professor Heaton, up until this year the stupidest Christmas perfume adverts were 1989.

“1989 was utterly, utterly stupid. Meg Ryan surfing in a ball dress to the strains of the Final Countdown, and Winona Ryder dressed up as the princess from Mario punching Mario in the face and running off with the crocodile because she was ‘liberated’ or something.”

“I genuinely never thought we’d see anything quite as stupid as that, and then came Charlize Theron climbing up a big ribbon in a museum.”

But whilst the 2015 Christmas perfume adverts are currently the stupidest ever, there are rumours that Channel is speaking to Vladimir Putin and is spending millions to genetically cross-breed a horse and a lizard, so 2016 could be even stupider.

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