Wednesday 9 December 2015 by Thomas Gane

Mrs Osborne sadly confirms Britain does indeed have its mojo back


Osborne's Mojo

Speaking in New York on Monday, George Osborne told an American audience that the decision to bomb in Syria proved ‘Britain has got its mojo back’, a statement sadly confirmed by his wife Frances.

Speaking to reporters on Tuesday morning, Mrs Osborne said George’s claims “were regretfully accurate”.

“It’s definitely back”, she said with a grimace, “the mojo has been threatening to return ever since the election, but the bombing has well and truly brought it back.”

Mrs Osborne said the mojo has largely been absent since Margaret Thatcher passed away, with her loss affecting George on a deep, emotional and physical level.

“The loss of the Iron Lady turned him largely into the Ropey Man”, she told reporters who had to take frequent breaks to weep and vomit.

“He used to picture her closing and crushing a picket to climax, now he just shouts ‘bombs away’ and imagines a school crumbling into dust.”

She said every night since the vote she has returned home to pictures of bombed out houses and dead Syrians adorning the walls, and George sprawled across the bed, wearing a homemade crotch-less 1940s RAF uniform and playing with an Airfix spitfire.

Mrs Osborne then left the press conference early to buy a shepherd’s costume because, “George wants to roleplay as a drone and chase me round the house.”

Other Cabinet spouses also confirmed the return of the mojo; with Theresa May’s husband Philip saying he “hadn’t been pegged like that since Blair resigned”.

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