Tuesday 8 December 2015 by DavyWavy

Punk dead, doctors confirm


Punk dead

Doctors have confirmed that punk is well and truly dead and has been for quite some time today.

The once-popular musical genre lived a long and energetic life, but is believed to have drifted into a coma and been placed on life support sometime towards the end of the 20th century.

Doctors agreed this morning there was no hope of reviving punk and ‘pulled the plug’ at 8:13am.

Punk fans have asked that it be remembered in its prime, as a lively genre which brought pleasure to as many as dozens of people at a time.

“We held out hope for as long as we could”, Consultant Simon Williams told us.

“From time to time punk would show signs of life; it would give wild and spasmodic jerks, especially if Blink 182 or The Offspring were on the radio.”

“But eventually we realised punk had two brains like a brontosaurus, and whilst the main brain was dead the arse end could still thrash about a bit.”

“Which I suppose is appropriate.”

Doctors have now moved on to considering other hopeless cases, including rap metal, techno, and Will Young’s career.

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