Monday 7 December 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Woman leaves it far too close to Christmas to dump boyfriend


unhappy woman

A woman has missed the socially acceptable winter time-frame in which to break up with her partner.

Laura Redfield, 30, has been psyching herself up to sever all ties with her boyfriend, Simon Williams, 34.

“Then I look at the calendar and it’s December the pissing 7th,” sighed Redfield.

“I can’t break up with him now, it’s too close. I’ll look like a complete bitch to all of his family and friends, including that friend of his that I’m hoping to shag on the rebound.

“I should have kept a closer eye on the calendar but I’ve been busy sneaking as many of my belongings out of the house as I can before making good my escape in the night after leaving a note.

“Now I’ll have to buy him at least three presents and smile through his dad’s impression of Margaret Thatcher on Boxing Day. Again.

“I’m not sure if it’s the emotional strain or the financial burden that fucks me off the most, to be honest.”

An oblivious Simon Williams said “I’m really looking forward to Christmas with Laura, and I know she’ll really love the “Not Going Out” box set I’ve got her.”

“See? Hell.” Said Redfield.

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