Friday 4 December 2015 by DavyWavy

Reports of ‘Giant Rats’ in London leads to increased sales of Chainmail and +1 Longswords


Longsword

Reports of a poison-resistant breed of giant rat appearing in London has led to a spike in sales of chainmail, +1 longswords and potions of healing, retailers have confirmed.

The rats are said to be evolving due to a diet rich in discarded food and an immunity to standard poisons, and council pest controllers are adapting new techniques which include shooting them with short composite bows and scrolls of Magic Missile.

Councils have also increased recruitment for rat catchers by going up to people in taverns and asking if they are bold adventurers, before offering 100 gold pieces plus a comprehensive health plan and 35 days paid holiday a year, with benefits including free 10′ pole, use of the company donkey and 200 torches.

“The appearance of giant rats is a considerable public health concern”, council officers told us.

“As they usually presage either a spike in attacks on humans and increased risk of infections and food spoilage, or a plague of zombies led by a powerful necromancer.

“It’s vital we deal with the problem at source by sending small groups of heavily-armed adventurers into the sewers and tube network to root out their breeding grounds.

“On the plus side every one of them has 1d4 silver pieces and a 10% chance of a gem or piece of jewellery, which has meant a welcome boost to council coffers.”

Council officers have confirmed that they are an equal-opportunities employer, and say applications from the Elf, Dwarf, Halfling and Drow communities will be welcomed as they are currently underrepresented in the role.

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