Thursday 3 December 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Mutilated Syrians flood 10 Downing Street with Thank-You notes


Downing street letters

The Prime Minster has been inundated with grateful letters from the severely depleted population of Syria.

Those still lucky enough to have pulses and hands for writing were quick to write to the Prime Minister, thanking him for joining Russia in fixing Syria with helpful bombs.

“Thank you Dave,” grinned Syrian, Simon Williams, through the three teeth he has left.

“My house has been absolutely fucked into the earth and I’m not quite sure what’s happened to my wife, or my left foot for that matter.”

“But nonetheless, you are the hero. I know you will save us from the terrorists that make up a tiny percentage of our population and could doubtless be taken care of in a way that doesn’t involve blasting my country back to the stone age.”

“…I seem to have lost the thread of my remarks here, but anyway, thank you.”

A Downing Street spokesperson said “don’t get me wrong, we appreciate the letters.”

“It’s just some of them were a bit…well…charred. And I don’t know what kind of backgrounds these people came from but I wouldn’t dream of writing letters on blood-stained paper that sign off with ‘Yours Sinc-‘ before abruptly stopping altogether.”

“It’s further proof that these people need our help, and we are going to help the absolute shit out of them.”

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