Tuesday 1 December 2015 by Lucas Wilde

UK to bomb Syria by Wednesday, and on Thursday, and Friday and Saturday, chilling on Sunday


Cameron to bomb Syria

David Cameron’s plan of action in Syria is roughly based on a Craig David song.

Following Wednesday’s vote on air strikes, the so-called Prime Minister will be hoping to reign fiery terror down onto the heads of terrorists and civilians alike before giving them a little breathing space by Sunday.

“Dave was trying to work out a schedule for the strikes while Smooth FM was playing in the background” confirmed a Downing Street spokesperson.

“He’s usually a Radio 4 man, but Women’s Hour was on and he rarely gives that kind of nonsense the time of day.

“Craig David’s Seven Days came on and he started nodding along, then a familiar smile came across his face and he started making notes while chuckling.

“I think, much like Mr. David, Mr. Cameron is hoping to wrap all of this up nice and quickly so we can indeed ‘chill on Sunday’, and admire the smouldering remains of Syria from our television sets.”

It’s not the first time a military action has been derived from a pop song.

Tony Blair’s decision to join George Bush in bombing seven shades of shit out of Iraq came after he’d listened to Celine Dion’s I’m Your Lady one too many times, whilst Barrack Obama greenlit the operation to kill Osama Bin Laden while listening to Gloria Estefan’s Rhythm is Gonna Get You.

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