Tuesday 1 December 2015 by Alex Webster

Christmas begins for people with horrific taste


Christmas lights tasteless

1st December marks the traditional beginning of Christmas for people completely devoid of taste.

Advent calendars across the Christian world will be started today, as people without anything better to do begin the Christmas countdown.

Historian Simon Williams told reporters, “Since the inception of the Gregorian calendar, the first of December marks the traditional time for holiday-crazed people to panic and start putting up decorations.

“We have a 15th Century woodcut which shows revellers taking down Hallowe’en decorations and replacing them with tinsel, and queueing at Argos.

‘Historical pendants would point out that Yuletide actually begins on December the 24th and lasts for twelve days, rather than the twelve week system used today.”

Derek Watts of Rotherham added, “I’ve been saving my dole money all year so I could put up this 8000 kilowatt winter wonderland with inflatable, generator powered santa, and keep it running for the next month.

“We went a bit mad with the fake snow, though. Honestly, our house looks like that bit from Ghostbusters when the marshmallow man explodes.”

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