Tuesday 1 December 2015 by DavyWavy and Raggedyman

‘Black Friday’ and ‘Cyber Monday’ followed by ‘Do some work or you’re fired Tuesday’


Angry boss

After ‘Black Friday’ and ‘Cyber Monday’, the nation is now faced with ‘Do some work or you’re fired Tuesday’.

Following a manic 48 hours spent scouring the Internet at work  for bargains, ‘Do some work or you’re fired Tuesday’ is expected to become a regular feature of our calendars with managers eagerly embracing the new idea.

Retailers make substantial profits from their sales days, and other companies are looking to get in on the act by incentivising staff to put their efforts into their own employers rather than other people’s.

“It’s a great way for the company to boost productivity and increase revenue,” said boss Simon Williams glaring at his drones at their terminals.

“What we do is announce that staffing will be 50% off or 100% off unless they pull their fingers out and do some fucking work rather than surfing Amazon all day.

“It’s really gone well for us. Work rates are way up and absenteeism for unexplained little niggles and bugs during the sales is way down. I think it’s a great innovation.”

Managers intend to enforce the new rule by ordering the company mail room to hold Amazon packages to ransom until current projects are complete.

Ken Livingstone has come out against “Do some work or you’re fired Tuesday”, describing it as a ruthless capitalist attack on worker’s rights.

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