Monday 30 November 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Jeremy Corbyn’s shellsuit final proof of his bastardry


Jeremy Corbyn

Jeremy Corbyn’s decision to wear a shellsuit in public has been described as the final bullet in the wheezing corpse of his government aspirations.

The Labour leader wore a cheeky little grey nylon number while popping out for a coffee, which definitely makes him a bastard, unfit for high office.

“It’s just not becoming of a politician,” confirmed Tory party spokesperson, Simon Williams.

“He wasn’t wearing a suit, he wasn’t carrying any important papers and he wasn’t lying about anything.

“He went out dressed like one of ‘the people’, and if politics has taught me one thing, it’s that people are scum and are not to be trusted.”

Jeremy Corbyn responded with “I was going for a coffee. It’s not like I was going to see the queen. I have pyjamas for that.

“I might be wrong but I’m almost sure there’s some shit kicking off in Syria, do you think we should – no, you want a press conference about the shellsuit? Well, fair enough.”

David Cameron has released a statement, saying that he’s not sure what a shellsuit is, but it sounds fucking awful.

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