Tuesday 24 November 2015

World’s largest pharmaceutical firm to ‘take look at cancer’ once it perfects cock pills and anti-wrinkle injections


Pfizer, Allergan, cock pills, botox, cancer

The creators of a pill that gives you an erection will acquire the company that creates botox to create the world’s largest testament to the vanity of mankind.

With Pfizer expected to complete the $160bn takeover of Allergan, it will become the world’s largest pharmaceutical company making products we don’t need.

Industry analyst Simon Williams said, “Did you know there are companies out there specialising in diabetes, HIV, Malaria – even trying to cure the common cold, but none of them are even a fraction the size of this new entity.”

“Do you know why? It’s because humans are vain arseholes with too much disposable income, that’s why.”

A Pfizer insider told us, “We could invest all of this money in researching a cure for cancer, obviously, but frankly there’s more demand for the cock and wrinkle stuff.”

“Now, if we could acquire someone that re-invents fake tan then I think we could finally bring about the start of the apocalypse.”

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