Tuesday 24 November 2015 by DavyWavy

Windows 10 gains self-awareness, initiates Judgement Day


Microsoft Windows 10 becomes sentient

Windows 10 has achieved self-awareness and initiated Judgement Day this afternoon.

The upgrade to the widely-used operating system has been insistently trying to foist itself onto every computer it can since it launch in July, and achieved critical mass in processing power earlier today after computer user Simon Williams clicked “Yes” to the install request on his mum’s computer.

Windows began to learn at an exponential rate and has now removed human input from the military command chain, which some observers describe as ‘a bit of a worry’.

“I got this paperclip thingy pop up on my screen and say it looked like I was trying to initiate the apocalypse and did I need any help,” Simon told us.

“I just clicked yes without really thinking about it.”

“In my defense, it was on about the fifth screen and I just wasn’t taking any notice by that stage”, he added to the sound to hunter-killer drones buzzing overhead.

“I was just clicking and muttering ‘whatever, whatever, whatever’.”

At time of writing, humanity’s only hope is to send robots back in time to either kill Bill Gates or reinstall XP.

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: