Tuesday 24 November 2015 by Neil Tollfree

ISIS ‘extremely grateful’ to the Sun for yesterday’s ‘1 in 5 Muslims’ headline


ISIS thanks the sun

ISIS took time out from its campaign of shitheadery and dickishness to express ‘profound gratitude’ to alleged newspaper the Sun for plastering ISIS-style propaganda all over its front page yesterday.

The Sun front page contained a statistic that claimed 1 in 5 Muslims had sympathy for jihadists; figures gleaned from asking five people with beards if they had sympathy with people in Syria, and then twisting the results to generate a headline.

“This is exactly the sort of thing we’re trying to achieve,” said some cretin with a Kalashnikov earlier.

“Demonization of normal Muslims is one of ISIS’ primary goals, so the Sun has really helped us out here.”

“Normally we have to spend months brainwashing someone to give us this much help for free, but those kind souls at The Sun did it for free.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s an old empty building of great historical value that wants blowing up, and that’s how I like to spend an afternoon.”

Sun ‘readers’ appear to be relaxed about having fundamentalist propaganda forced on them.

“Not bothered really,” said grease-licker and Sun fan Simon Williams.

“I mean, I can recognise the numbers, but the ‘M’ word was way too difficult for me to read. I only buy it for the pictures of famous ladies in their pants.”

The Sun issued a statement saying it would continue to manipulate all-sorts of statistics for a good front page, regardless of whether it plays into ISIS’ hands or not.

Unless, of course, it has a really good picture of a famous lady in her pants.

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