Monday 23 November 2015 by Spacey

Angels face bribery inquiry after Sepp Blatter ‘near death experience’


Sepp Blatter bribed the angels

The Angels are at the centre of a fresh Fifa bribery scandal after sources claimed Sepp Blatter tried to bribe his way into the afterlife.

Blatter revealed that during a near death experience he was “among the angels singing and the devil with the fire. But it was the angels who sang”.

79-year-old Blatter, currently serving a 90-day suspension from his post as Fifa’s president, told Swiss TV channel RTS, “I was very close to death but the angels determined that I hadn’t fully crossed the line.”

A spokesangel insisted that no wrongdoing had taken place but the devil has contacted Fifa’s ethics committee and urged them to carry out a full investigation into the incident.

“It’s a bit of a coincidence that the angels have suddenly got pristine wings and nice new harps to strum on,” he blasted.

“My bid to host Blatter for all eternity was solid.”

“It just doesn’t add up.”

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