Friday 20 November 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Resistance to antibiotics is ‘worst superpower ever’


Antibiotics small

Being impervious to life-saving medicine is a really shit superpower, experts declared today.

The revelation was made after scientists found a strain of bacteria that couldn’t even be taken down by that weird stuff your Grandma used to give you as a child.

“If you’ve got this in you, then no pill is going to get near it,” confirmed Dr. Rowan Giles, “pills are to you what bullets are to Superman.”

“That might sound really cool when put like that but believe me, it isn’t; unless you’re trying to foil a bank robbery in which the robbers are armed with nothing but bottles of penicillin, and that hasn’t happened in ages.”

“In terms of being a superhero, you would be the absolute worst of all time. Apart from Aquaman, obviously.”

“If you want to be an effective superhero, then we’d suggest you go the traditional routes of interaction with radioactive material, some kind of military experiment or making sure your parents are gunned down in front of you as a child.”

Doctors are working hard to find a new antibiotic that can beat the new bacteria, as long as said bacteria doesn’t reside within the body of Jeremy Hunt.

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