Friday 20 November 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Newcastle child ‘in stable condition’ after asking to put heating on


thermostat

A boy from a family in Newcastle is said to be ‘getting better’ after complications arising from him asking to turn the heating on.

Jack Williams, 9, said, “I don’t remember exactly what happened.

“I vaguely remember mentioning I was sort of cold while walking past the thermostat – not that I definitely wanted to turn it on of course, I’m not a girl. I was just going to the kitchen for a brew.

“Next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital with half a glass ashtray sticking out of my head.

“It’s my own fault, really, Dad always said bad things would happen if I went anywhere near the heating. Now I know that he meant a ghost would lob a thick glass object at my skull.

“I suppose the lesson here is a simple one, do not, under any circumstances, anger the Geordie ghosts by asking to be a little bit warmer in your own home.”

Jack’s father, Simon, said, “I dunno what he’s making such a fuss about. I used to get hit by ashtrays all the time when I were a lad, especially if I complained about something silly like ‘feeling the cold’ or ‘frostbite’.

“It puts hairs on your chest; and God knows he could do with some, he’s always banging on about wanting to buy a ‘coat’, whatever one of those is.

“I don’t trust these doctors anyway. All the lad needs is a bandage and some cheese on toast.”

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