Thursday 19 November 2015 by DavyWavy

Supermarket manager who played ‘Merry Christmas Everybody’ in November to be humanely destroyed


Christmas music in supermarkets

A supermarket manager who played Slade’s “Merry Christmas Everybody” to shoppers in the middle of November is to be humanely destroyed.

Simon Williams, who runs the Doncaster branch of Tesco, started playing music from “The Greatest Christmas hits ever Vol 2” on November 12th, leading to his being taken into custody for his own protection.

Official sources have said that upon reflection he will be humanely put to sleep in order to prevent such an event ever occurring again.

Simon, who describes himself as a ‘fun boss’ and is widely loathed by his staff, started playing Christmas hits to bring cheer and a ‘bit of a laugh’ to staff and shoppers resulting in immediate action by the authorities.

“When we brought Simon in he just kept insisting that he was ‘wacky’ and people loved a bit of fun at Christmas,” we were told.

“We tried telling him that it’s not Christmas for another six weeks, and he told us that he wanted it to be Christmas every day in his store and everyone loved it.”

“Then he started singing, so we popped down to the vets for one of those big syringes they use on injured racehorses.”

“Putting him out of our misery is a kindness, really.”

Simon’s replacement as store manager, William Simons, has announced his intention to bring a bit of fun to people’s lives by starting to sell hot cross buns and easter eggs on boxing day. Police are on high alert.

This is my Christmas jumper – get the t-shirt!

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