Thursday 19 November 2015 by Neil Tollfree

‘Reach level 250 on Candy Crush’ not a valid SMART appraisal objective


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A tribunal yesterday ruled that ‘playing Candy Crush on the bog,’ does not constitute a valid SMART target for an appraisal, even if you reach the notoriously tricky level 259.

“It’s bollocks,” said IT service drone and Candy Crush expert Simon Williams.

“I mean, he asked me, right, what’s your biggest achievement this year? I mean, if he didn’t want to know, he shouldn’t have asked.”

“Level 259. Loads of bombs. He couldn’t have done it.”

This case went to tribunal after Mr Williams’ line immediately declared his achievement did not constitute a SMART target.

“It’s SMART, S-M-A-R-T,” said line manager and small man Chris Greene

“That’s ‘S’ – Serious, ‘M’ – Mandatory…I think. No, not mandatory, but something beginning with ‘M,’ then ‘A,’ Oh God, what’s ‘A?’ I went on a seminar for all these…”

“Look the point is; SMART, it should be SMART, which means things like exceeding expectations, and going the extra mile, and achieving goals…oh ‘A’ – Achievable!”

After the tribunal’s ruling, Mr Williams will have his mid-year appraisal again where his toilet Candy Crush expertise will not be considered.

“It’s disappointing,” said Mr Williams.

“But it’s not the end of the world, I’m also brilliant at playing Angry Birds on the bog, so I’m sure that’ll count for something.”

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